The other day, I had a meeting with a woman I may be working with in the near future. This was an informal meeting, more of a meet and greet, just to see what potential jobs I might help with. We decided to get together at a cute little cafe to enjoy a treat while discussing business, at my suggestion. The conversation was nice enough, and I was getting excited about the potential future. However, I noticed that she kept doing something that bothered me. She kept fat shaming herself. When we got our orders, I told her "this place is so good!", and she responded with, "I'm not inclined to believe you because you're skinny. Now me (pointing to herself, who is overweight), I know good food!" That was odd, but I left it alone. The evening continued with further discussions of future endeavors, but every now and then, she would find a way to throw in the fact that she's overweight. More so, she would include some comment about me being skinny. While it's nice when someone inaccurately refers to me as skinny, this was almost done in a negative way. As if there is something wrong with me being smaller than her. But also, as if there is something wrong with the size she is. And that's where my issue lies.
Our society has caused us to believe being fat is being less than. In the movies, fat women get supporting actress roles, while the skinnier ones are put in the spotlight. If they put the overweight actress as the leading role, her weight is often the focus: used for comedic relief in the movie, or focused on during interviews. When we read interviews with skinny actresses, we don't see questions like "how has your weight affected you in getting roles?" Movies are just one example. Look at models, clothing lines, commercials, etc etc etc.
Somehow, we think it's ok to tell a woman she is fat and that she needs to lose weight. We do this gently, objectively, tactfully, offensively, or however we see fit. The point is, somehow, it's ok for us to tell a woman she isn't pretty, she isn't healthy, she isn't the best she can be all because she's fat. Whether this be by suggesting a certain type of diet; think Paleo, Southbeach, Atkins, etc, or by suggesting supplements, or by suggesting specific workout routines/trainers. This is continuing the message that we MUST be skinny and ripped in order to be pretty or worth something. To tell someone who is fat that you are concerned only about their health, and that this has nothing to do with their worth or looks or whatever, is still sending the wrong message. Just because you saw a fat woman, you assumed she was unhealthy. That's not always true. Conversely, when you assume a woman is healthy because she is skinny, you are making another inaccurate judgement.
This all comes back around to fat shaming ourselves. Society fat shames, movies fat shame, TV fat shames, everybody fat shames. If you are overweight, you've heard it a million times: fat is ugly, fat is worthless, fat is not going to be the leading lady (in movies or in life), fat is bad. It's so ingrained in us now, that we have decided to beat people to the punch line. "I just know you're going to call me fat, so I'll do it first." We assume others automatically think we're fat, and that's all they can focus on, so we MUST mention it before their heads explode and insults start spewing uncontrollably out of their mouths. When we do this, we are telling everyone else that it's ok to make fun of us for our weight. We are perpetuating the idea that fat is a joke, fat means we don't have feelings, fat is something to be made fun of or is bad. Who, then, is to break this cycle?
I am not skinny, but I am not fat. I do not care if you are skinny, and I don't care if you are fat. We need to judge people off their merit and actions, not their pant size. And ladies, if you are guilty of fat shaming yourself, stop it right now. You are beautiful, you are you, and no one can tell you otherwise.
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